Promote Early Competency
Since excessive daydreaming most frequently represents a reaction to perceived inadequate coping, assuring adequacy is the best preventative. Basic feelings of competency are set before age 5. Children must feel both adequate and safe in order to effectively deal with their environment instilling a feeling of competency prevents the child's need to develop satisfaction from daydreaming. The parent finds the line between providing adequate protection and permitting independence. Appropriate independence is indicate by a child's being able to accomplish tasks that result both in praise from others and in his own recognition of task completion. Real, necessary chores are the best tools available throughout childhood. The 3 and 4 year old should be given tasks that he can carry out yet that are sufficiently challenging. Parents who are over-protective delay feelings of competency in their children. These children often develop the unfortunate combination of feeling powerful and superior yet helpless and inadequate at the same time. Only their grandiose daydreams support their unrealistic perception of themselves. As the child matures, feelings of competency must keep pace. You must avoid the "Achilles heel" syndrome, where children are protected from life's problems. The other extreme of psychological abandonment must also be avoided. The best way to prepare children is to gradually expose them to real difficulties. One excellent means, not used enough by parents, is to talk about "problems that kids have to face." These talks serve the purpose of mentally preparing children for the many unexpected situations that must, and can, be coped with. Additionally, parents can role play difficult situations. The parent can pretend to be a teasing child while the child handles the situation calmly. Whenever a child does not know what to do, the parent switches roles and demonstrates calm and effective behavior. "I don't like being teased; please stop it." "When you stop teasing, I'll play with you" (then walks away).
The beginning of school is a real test of the child's ability to cope with academic and social demands. Children with an unrealistic or shaky self-concept are often shocked by the difficulties they face in school. These children are prone to resorting to daydreaming as a source of satisfaction and confirmation of themselves as being adequate. You should therefore do everything possible to prepare the child, including discussions with the teacher before school starts or very early in the year. Preparation might take the form of discussing the child's strengths and weaknesses with the teacher in order for the teacher to specifically help the child, if necessary.
Stress Daily Satisfaction
Some children are quite competent, yet they do not feel satisfied with their performance. Usually feelings of satisfaction accompany the competent handling of tasks. By being aware of the possible need to discuss and reinforce feelings of satisfaction, you can prevent many later difficulties, especially daydreaming. The relatively satisfied child does not need to develop substitute means of satisfaction. Effective means of stressing the daily attainment of satisfaction are modeling, discussion, and reinforcement. The parent models feeling satisfied by actually being pleased (and demonstrating this pleasure) with daily activities. When you enjoy preparing dinner, getting ready to leave the house, talking on the telephone, talking about business activities, etc., your child learns that style of living. If you find and demonstrate little satisfaction from dreamer in order to feel pleasure. Discussion is simple. Talk about feeling satisfied with your own behavior and actual accomplishments. "I really enjoyed finishing my report." "It was nice to hear my boss compliment me on my work." "It wasn't perfect but I did my best and I feel great." Reinforcement is the praise you give your child for carrying out daily activities. Don't underestimate the power of a smile when children talk about feeling pleased. Smiling and verbal praise for feeling good are very effective means of increasing a child's feeling of personal satisfaction and worth.
Special Plans for Handicapped Children
Many children have some handicap: Some otherwise normal children have terrible handwriting, poor coordination, move slowly, etc. These subtle handicaps, along with any obvious handicaps, require special strategies. You should do anything possible to assure that the handicap is not preventing active participation with peers. Also, some children who do participate retain their feelings of inferiority because they are aware of their being different in some area. It may take good strategy and planning, but these children may need to be involved in recreational programs after school or on weekends. Children with poor coordination should be involved in noncompetitive activities where they can gradually improve. Physically handicapped children should engage in activities that do not require skills in their weak area. Similarly, slow or uncompetitive children should not only be exposed to neighborhood games requiring these attributes. The handicapped or awkward child should be involved in a club where talk or appropriate activities are provided. These children often do well in hobby clubs (photography, stamp or coin collection, model building, etc.). guided sightseeing tours, religious discussion groups, and so forth.
Relevant Topic:
Since excessive daydreaming most frequently represents a reaction to perceived inadequate coping, assuring adequacy is the best preventative. Basic feelings of competency are set before age 5. Children must feel both adequate and safe in order to effectively deal with their environment instilling a feeling of competency prevents the child's need to develop satisfaction from daydreaming. The parent finds the line between providing adequate protection and permitting independence. Appropriate independence is indicate by a child's being able to accomplish tasks that result both in praise from others and in his own recognition of task completion. Real, necessary chores are the best tools available throughout childhood. The 3 and 4 year old should be given tasks that he can carry out yet that are sufficiently challenging. Parents who are over-protective delay feelings of competency in their children. These children often develop the unfortunate combination of feeling powerful and superior yet helpless and inadequate at the same time. Only their grandiose daydreams support their unrealistic perception of themselves. As the child matures, feelings of competency must keep pace. You must avoid the "Achilles heel" syndrome, where children are protected from life's problems. The other extreme of psychological abandonment must also be avoided. The best way to prepare children is to gradually expose them to real difficulties. One excellent means, not used enough by parents, is to talk about "problems that kids have to face." These talks serve the purpose of mentally preparing children for the many unexpected situations that must, and can, be coped with. Additionally, parents can role play difficult situations. The parent can pretend to be a teasing child while the child handles the situation calmly. Whenever a child does not know what to do, the parent switches roles and demonstrates calm and effective behavior. "I don't like being teased; please stop it." "When you stop teasing, I'll play with you" (then walks away).
The beginning of school is a real test of the child's ability to cope with academic and social demands. Children with an unrealistic or shaky self-concept are often shocked by the difficulties they face in school. These children are prone to resorting to daydreaming as a source of satisfaction and confirmation of themselves as being adequate. You should therefore do everything possible to prepare the child, including discussions with the teacher before school starts or very early in the year. Preparation might take the form of discussing the child's strengths and weaknesses with the teacher in order for the teacher to specifically help the child, if necessary.
Stress Daily Satisfaction
Some children are quite competent, yet they do not feel satisfied with their performance. Usually feelings of satisfaction accompany the competent handling of tasks. By being aware of the possible need to discuss and reinforce feelings of satisfaction, you can prevent many later difficulties, especially daydreaming. The relatively satisfied child does not need to develop substitute means of satisfaction. Effective means of stressing the daily attainment of satisfaction are modeling, discussion, and reinforcement. The parent models feeling satisfied by actually being pleased (and demonstrating this pleasure) with daily activities. When you enjoy preparing dinner, getting ready to leave the house, talking on the telephone, talking about business activities, etc., your child learns that style of living. If you find and demonstrate little satisfaction from dreamer in order to feel pleasure. Discussion is simple. Talk about feeling satisfied with your own behavior and actual accomplishments. "I really enjoyed finishing my report." "It was nice to hear my boss compliment me on my work." "It wasn't perfect but I did my best and I feel great." Reinforcement is the praise you give your child for carrying out daily activities. Don't underestimate the power of a smile when children talk about feeling pleased. Smiling and verbal praise for feeling good are very effective means of increasing a child's feeling of personal satisfaction and worth.
Special Plans for Handicapped Children
Many children have some handicap: Some otherwise normal children have terrible handwriting, poor coordination, move slowly, etc. These subtle handicaps, along with any obvious handicaps, require special strategies. You should do anything possible to assure that the handicap is not preventing active participation with peers. Also, some children who do participate retain their feelings of inferiority because they are aware of their being different in some area. It may take good strategy and planning, but these children may need to be involved in recreational programs after school or on weekends. Children with poor coordination should be involved in noncompetitive activities where they can gradually improve. Physically handicapped children should engage in activities that do not require skills in their weak area. Similarly, slow or uncompetitive children should not only be exposed to neighborhood games requiring these attributes. The handicapped or awkward child should be involved in a club where talk or appropriate activities are provided. These children often do well in hobby clubs (photography, stamp or coin collection, model building, etc.). guided sightseeing tours, religious discussion groups, and so forth.
Relevant Topic:
- Behavior Problems of Children
- Immature Behaviors
- Insecure Behaviors
- Habit Disorders
- Peer Problems
- Antisocial Behaviors
- Other Problems
