Plan ActivitiesDaydreamers must not be bored or isolated, which frequently occurs. Real life must become more interesting, challenging, and pleasurable than fantasies. Whenever possible, activities involving peers should be arranged. When not possible, their energy should be channelled constructively. With young children, time limits for task completion may be very effective in discouraging daydreaming. Short tasks can be completed with no fatigue or boredom. Tasks could require attention, speed, memory, and note taking. Children should be encouraged, and rewarded if necessary, for writing creative stories, poems, paintings, reports about people they admire, etc. However, the stress should be on active participation. Solitary activities such as reading or working alone may encourage daydreaming. Also, it is not possible to assess when daydreaming is occurring, since no overt response is called for. In comparison, group discussion, drama, working on projects with peers, etc., do require interaction. An understanding group leader can be asked to watch for blank expressions, inappropriate smiles, or wandering eyes which might indicate daydreaming. The leader should immediately take action to assure involvement in on-going activities. Participation and attention may also be checked by asking the child questions about what has occurred. It is essential that you discuss specific plans with the teacher in order to make certain that the quiet nondisruptive child is not permitted to continue daydreaming.
Whenever possible the child should join structured clubs. It is worth the money and travel arrangements for the chronic daydreamer to participate in a productive club. The child's preferences may clearly indicate the type of club to seek out. If preferences are not clear, the child may have to earn rewards and privileges by attending (and actively participating in) an available club. After-school clubs include photography, arts and crafts, cooking, science, language, nature, art, etc. These activities may be provided by the school, museums, libraries, religious groups, or parent organizations such as associations for children with learning disabilities. Parents must themselves become assertive and determined enough to locate appropriate group activities for their child. When formal groups are not available, you can arrange activities with one or two other children. Even arranging three meetings with a specific purpose (like building a gocart) may be very effective. Don't be bashful in approaching other parents and suggesting activities. Another option is having a sibling actively interest the child in activities. We have had great success with parents hiring "companions" to interest youngsters in various events and hobbies.
Reward Attentiveness and Productivity
Ignore daydreaming and reward the opposite behavior - paying attention and being productive. This method follows the learning theory principle that inappropriate behavior should be ignored and appropriate behavior should be reinforced. When parents or teachers observe substantial productive periods, they should praise the child and use tangible rewards if necessary (see previous discussion of tokens). A very powerful method is for the parents to grant extra privileges or rewards when the teacher reports less daydreaming in school. There should be a conscious effort to provide more praise and positive reactions in order to make a child's real life more rewarding than her imaginary world. With very young children and with extremely excessive daydreamers, interrupting the fantasies may be necessary. In a pleasant manner, the adult should call the child's name, ask a question, or touch or shake him. This is an effective way of diminishing the duration of fantasizing, and whenever possible the child should then be engaged in conversation or some activity. Scolding should always be avoided. Criticism and punishment lead to counter-anger and may sometimes even reinforce daydreaming.
With relatively cooperative children, you might ask them to voluntarily limit their daydreaming and gradually reduce the time spent per daydream. The child can use a timer for these planned fantasy periods. Planning behavior can have the effect of bringing it more under the child's voluntary control. This is especially true if you reward the child for his increasing voluntary control of daydreaming.
Assess Theme of Daydreaming
Valuable clues can be gained through an open discussion of the daydream content. This does require a relatively free and trusting relationship. If the child is frequently criticized by parents, an honest discussion of details may not occur. If children do discuss the content, it may be a straightforward series of heroes and fame fantasies. The child fantasizes being the best at various activities and receiving prizes and adulation from others. This type requires the action discussed previously. However, or may be that the content demonstrates specific concerns that can be addressed or remedied. For example, the child might daydream that he lives in a peaceful castle where everything is calm. The parents might see the clue that the home atmosphere may be too chaotic and disturbing for the child. More organization and calmness at home could diminish or eliminate the daydreaming.
Seek Professional Help
When the child or adolescent has difficulty in telling the difference between daydreaming and reality, professional help should be immediately sought. Professional intervention is also indicate when specific approaches are consistently employed for several months with little success. Sort-term psychotherapy or counseling may be quite effective in reducing daydreaming and promoting more satisfying functioning. There are a variety of "growth experiences" that may help the generally dissatisfied child who resorts to fantasizing. Many adolescents have benefited from yoga, sensitivity, and assertiveness training. Professionally led groups can be quite effective in aiding adolescents to gain more satisfaction from relating to their peers. Children who learn to feel good about themselves and to meaningfully relate to others daydream less.
Relevant Topic:
- Behavior Problems of Children
- Immature Behaviors
- Insecure Behaviors
- Habit Disorders
- Peer Problems
- Antisocial Behaviors
- Other Problems