Early and Continuing Training
Preschoolers can be taught to keep a relatively neat room. From 2 years on, simple rules of neatness should be encouraged. The very young child can participate in putting toys back in a box. Three year olds should not live for days in a room with piles of objects interfering with walking. Simple organization of certain types of toys in one place will lead to a habit of placing things in the same place. This procedure will avoid the endless searching for things and promote early organizational habits. Parents should also teach the basics of planning ahead, keeping a check list when necessary, and doing tasks in order. Never underestimate the power of modeling neatness both in personal appearance and taking care of objects at home.
Regular Chores
Children should have appropriate chores throughout childhood and adolescence. Parents have the continuing responsibility to carefully consider and plan age-appropriate jobs. The toddler should put dirty clothes in a hamper and toys in a closet, box, or cabinet. From 5 years, a child should make her bed and aid in some aspect of cleaning. Children can sweet vacuum, or dust. They can empty waste cans, take garbage outside, set the table, wash or dry the dishes, etc. They key is the expectation that children participate in the everyday process of maintaining a relatively clean and orderly home.
Self-grooming
The toddler can be taught to avoid excessive dirtiness. A helpful principle is that young children are capable of discriminating. Toddlers in play clothes can roll in the dirt and get paint and clay on themselves. When dressed to visit relatives, they can avoid getting dirty. By school age, children should be aware of personal grooming. They should already have the awareness and skill to comb their hair, tuck their clothing in, and look in a mirror to assess whether they need to wash their faces. At home, parents can make grooming a reasonably enjoyable activity. Children should be given a choice as to the type and color of comb or brush they prefer. Similarly, they can go to the store and choose toothpaste and a toothbrush that they would like to use. Active participation is much better than passively receiving things that parents have selected.
Teach Concern for Others
Parents often wish that their children would want to be neat in order to please themselves. However, as mentioned previously, neatness is not an inborn instinct. Children become neat in order to please others. Therefore, instilling concern for others is a preventive measure against the development of excessive messiness. The child learns that pleasing others is important and can become personally satisfying. having a neat room and clean body pleases parents, and becomes a personally satisfying habit. Similarly, a child can learn to discriminate by pleasing parents by having an especially clean room when visitors are expected. her room may be sloppy at times and then cleaned and neatened when it matters to her parents or herself.
Modeling concern for others is crucial. The parents should demonstrate their concern for each other's wishes plus their genuine concern for their children. Only in this manner does true concern for others develop at an early age. The parent who takes time to fix a child's toy or talk to a child about his favorite games demonstrates caring. It is then natural for the child to care about pleasing parents by being neater and more organized. A cooperative atmosphere is developed, where people care about each other and cooperate by demonstrating helpful and sensitive behavior. Concern for children is demonstrated by friendly but firm instructions to "please remove your things from the living room before you go outside." Angry, dictatorial statements are not helpful ("Clean the living room this minute. I want to see a spotless floor!").
Case Report
A 13-year-old girl was extremely messy in personal appearances and in the care of her room. Additionally, she was disorganized both in the care of her personal belongings and in her schoolwork. When interview, the parents believed strongly that their daughter was bright, quite aware of how things should be done, and had always been exposed to a relatively neat and organized home situation. Her 15-year-old brother, although not fastidious, was relatively neat in his personal appearance and schoolwork. The parents were very responsive to two sessions of counseling, and they subsequently successfully employed the following strategy.
Initially, they used a straightforward reward system for both neater appearance and schoolwork. For each day of "improved" neatness (judged by the mother), the girl was given an extra $.25 in allowance. Analysis of the family situation led to the parents' acceptance of the need to provide greater independence. She was allowed to fo to bed 1 half-hour later on nights before school and 1 hour later before non-school days. Additionally, she was permitted more freedom in choosing her own clothing and in how she would spend her additional allowance. The messy and disorganized room was quickly eliminated by both parents helping her organize her room and by building additional shelves in her closet for specific articles of clothing.
The parents later reported that they were very satisfied with the result and offered the following analysis. They felt that both of them helping their daughter in her room and giving her more independence greatly improved their relationship and changed the tense atmosphere. The reward system, combined with a later bedtime, worked immediately in an improved personal appearance and a neater room. They believed that schoolwork initially improved as a means of earning more allowance. However, her general attitude appeared more positive, and she showed a more genuine interest in doing better schoolwork.
- Behavior Problems of Children
- Immature Behaviors
- Insecure Behaviors
- Habit Disorders
- Peer Problems
- Antisocial Behaviors
- Other Problems
