Teach and Reward NeatnessThere are a variety of formal and informal ways of rewarding neatness. Prior discussions of use of tokens and contracts are quite applicable here. Neatness in any form by a messy child should be rewarded and praised. The child should be taught that being neat is convenient, helpful, and considerate of others and is not just for looks or showing off. We will review some specific approaches to promoting neatness.
Demonstrate and reward steps to neatness
This approach is essential for older children who literally do not know how to be neat. It is also the most direct approach with young children who have not learned neatness skills or who only have a weak understanding of what to do. Therefore, a sloppy room, forgotten or poorly done chores, or poor or disorganized homework may indicate a lack of knowledge rather than a negative attitude. The goals must be explained simply and broken down into steps. Some children respond well to the use of a chart to show where things belong and when a chore should be done. Children must be shown how the task should be carried out. Finally improvement, not perfection, should always be praised. Many children respond very well to praise when they have learned to be neat and a formal reward system may not become necessary.
Using these principles, parents can sensitively assess the child's deficiencies and teach the necessary skills. For example, many young children are not aware of the steps involved in keeping a room neat and organized. You can start by showing them where toys belong. Often it is necessary to decide with a child where things should go. A toy box, a book case, and especially a large metal cabinet with shelves are possible storage places. When they should put things away should be made clear. In some households, before bedtime works. However, many children are too tired, and bedtime arrives with no time for cleaning. Therefore, a set time after dinner (say 7:45 to 8 PM) may be more workable. You demonstrate by having the child watch you do it. next time, the child puts things away while you praise his efforts.
When you are sure that the child knows what is expected and how to do it, the following methods may be used to demonstrate your conviction to follow through on your teaching.
Open or closed door: This method is applicable to one or more children in a bedroom. You inspect the room at an agreed upon time. If the room is satisfactory, you leave the door open. If not, you close the door. The closed door indicated that the room needs work. One practical method would be for the child to go out to play only when the door is left open. If shut, the room must be cleaned by the children before going out or before watching television, etc. This type of structure avoids verbal criticism and defensive arguments.
Locket cabinet: An inspection can be made periodically (perhaps before bedtime). The child or teenager has been told that any toys, games, or clothing not in their proper place will be locked in a cabinet for 2 days. Longer intervals may be necessary in some cases. The items are tagged with the date that they will be returned. Some parents like a library card method, where the return date is specified on a card. This also teaches organization, where the cards are kept in a box. Another variation is some cost for the child to redeem the object. Possible costs are a money fine or a deduction from a weekly allowance, deprivation of some pleasure, or performance of a task chore. As with all methods, parental attitude must be matter of fact or humorous rather than tense and punitive.
Charts
Listing the target behaviors is a concrete and effective tool. The basic task of grooming can be placed on a chart and checked off by the child or a star posted by a parent. The specific tasks should be listed next to the time of day. Morning-brush teeth, wash hands and face, brush hair, tuck clothing in properly. After school-change clothes, wash. before bedtime-wash, brush teeth. A straightforward system of points earned for personal appearance and room neatness may be very effective. Points can earn privileges such as television viewing, extra allowance, etc. For those parents who do not use a formal system, an effective penalty could be washing windows in their room for failing to keep objects in their place. A dramatic offer by parents would be to ask children if there are parental habits that they would like changed. Constructing a parent chart would be an example of "practicing what you preach."
A variation of parents constructing a chart is having children make a chart of their messy habits and which ones are important or unimportant to them. Similarly, they can list what they consider to be important or unimportant chores. The child should be asked to agree to change one messy habit. An effective penalty is to perform an unimportant chore if he does not change the messy behavior. This method is particularly effective for children who do not respond to the use of money as a reward or penalty.
Provide Outlets for Independence and Responsibility
From age 6, parents should not pick up after children. Taking care of their things is their job. You might say that you will not go into a dirty room to talk or change the sheets or pick up clothes. Therefore, young children may learn to keep a clean neat room that adults would like to be in. Minimally the child has the responsibility of having a neat room at times when parents expect it (weekends, visitors, showing a house for sale, etc.). At other times, parents might communicate that children have the right to keep a room the way they want to.
Since major causes of messiness are a desire for independence and refusal to be responsible, outlets have to be developed. The child can learn independence and responsibility by being given appropriate chores with allowance geared to successful completion. The key is to give children and adolescents more and more independent responsibility at a rate they can handle. there are many instances of 12 year olds who are not allowed to visit a friend's house or go on a train without an adult. Many heated arguments occur between children who want more responsibility and parents who say they are not ready. Achieving the correct degree of independence is crucial. You may be guided to some extent by what your child's friends are permitted to do. A useful rule of thumb is to gradually increase the level of responsibility and assess the child's ability to handle it. The messy child who expresses dissatisfaction frequently may well need more opportunities to obtain satisfaction. The relatively satisfied child will have less of a need to flaunt a "messy, who cares" attitude.
Special Approaches for Special Problems
Children who are awkward, clumsy, slow, sloppy, and unable to find things need special help, not criticism. Just trying harder does not make them neater and more organized. They need even more of the types of methods previously described under "Demonstrate and Reward Steps to Neatness." However, these children need more concrete demonstrations, more encouragement, more praise, and most of all more understanding of their weaknesses. Blaming them for their real inabilities not only doesn't help, it invariably leads to more arguments and a poor self-concept by the children. These children think of themselves as "bad" and often act in a manner that confirms that image. It is difficult for some parents who have an awkward, messy child to praise the small positive steps that they do take. "Congratulations, you look neater today" should be said to the child who looks relatively better because he tied his shoelaces. Children feel much better when you say, "I know how hard it is for yu to keep your room neat, but I'll help." This is in contrast to- "How can you still be such a slob when I've shown you a million times how to straighten your room?" The child with subtle perceptual problems can't find what he's looking for. This takes very special planning and organizing, so he will learn where to put things and how to find them.
- Behavior Problems of Children
- Immature Behaviors
- Insecure Behaviors
- Habit Disorders
- Peer Problems
- Antisocial Behaviors
- Other Problems
