Some people think of messiness as meaning dirty or untidy and sloppiness as meaning careless. However, dictionaries, as well as other sources, list messy and sloppy as synonyms. Messy/sloppy means being careless, slovenly, confused, disordered, dirty, untidy, and lacking neatness or precision. For example, on a widely used scale to rate children's behavior, one of the areas measured is called "Messiness Sloppiness." Children with high scores are unconcerned about adult standards of cleanliness. The three questions rated are to what degree is the child messy or sloppy in his or her eating habits, careless about appearance and belongings, and prone to get dirty and untidy quickly.Young children are normally messy, so once again we have a situation where problematic messiness is messiness "to a greater degree than normal." Parents who expect perfection or more than the child is capable of are often disappointed and angry. Realistic expectations and awareness of child development and the behavior of peers are helpful. However, it is often readily apparent when children are usually untidy and careless concerning clothes, toys, school materials, or appearance. Also, dirty habits are obvious when the child will not wash, enjoys being dirty, or frequently gets every dirty. Further indicators of problematic sloppiness are when situations become unhealthy or unsafe, and when the child or parent cannot find things.
A great deal of conflict occurs between parents and young teenagers. Teenagers are constantly telling their parents that most teenagers are sloppy and that their parents should leave them alone. Arguments over personal appearance and messy rooms are one of the most typical aspects of a "generation gap." Parents are very frequently told by their children that they are old fashioned and uptight. There are very few parents who haven't heard, "I'll dress the way I want and keep my room the way I like it, and I don't care what anyone thinks." For many teenagers, messiness has become a sign of independence, a badge of honor, or a means of identifying with a peer group.
Reason Why
Demonstrating Independence or Anger
"Looking the way I want" is a familiar phrase heard from early childhood through adolescence. personal appearance is one of the most basic areas of self-expression. Since tidiness is often stressed by most parents, many children develop messiness as a means of asserting independence. The more parents insist on cleanliness and orderliness, the more determined many children are to do things in their own sloppy way. When parents are strict in many areas of children's lives, these children often look for some means of demonstrating their uniqueness. Sloppiness in personal appearance is a more obvious indicator of "this is how I want to dress." Less obvious is the development of disorganized and careless approach to a variety of tasks as a sign of independence.
Most adults recognize the rebellious aspect of sloppy and dirty clothing and habits. Anger can be expressed by the flaunting of conventional rules. Children who feel generally angry or bitter,
get even" with the world by not conforming. They often appear proud of their dirty appearance and describe cleanliness as being unnecessary or stupid. Frequently, adolescent messiness is a result of the combination of a sign of independence and an expression of anger as a type of revenge for real or imagined unfairness.
Refusal to Be Responsible
More specific than a general expression of independence or anger is a child's refusal to accept the responsibility that accompanies "growing up." Since children are not born with an urge for neatness, the value of tidiness must be learned. There are a variety of reason for children to not want to accept their own role in achieving self-care. The most clear cut is the toddler's refusal to give up his lack of responsibility. Infants and toddlers enjoy messy play and dirtiness. There is a transition from the infantile pleasure of messiness to a more mature satisfaction with cleanliness and neatness. Children who lack sufficient satisfaction in their lives are reluctant to give up the gratification of sloppiness.
Lack of Organizational Skills
There are many reasons why some children lack the skills necessary to be neat and organized. Some have never learned how to be neat. They may have grown up in a messy, disorganized home or even in a sub-culture that does not value neatness. Their parents did not model this type of organized behavior. More typical is the case of concerned parents who themselves are relatively neat, but who have messy children. These disorganized children may have been "overprotected" and never learned independent, organizational skills. Their parents look care of things and never really expected them to function independently. Most difficult are the subtle situations where parents say that they expect their children to take care of their rooms yet communicate the feeling that the children are not capable. These "double messages" are quite destructive and lead to much tension and disharmony. The net result is a child who does not develop the skills necessary to prepare and organize her room, personal possessions, and clothing. Finally, there are children who are not motivated to learn organizational skills. The lack of motivation may stem from different sources, but the children appear lazy and uncaring. Typically, there has never been sufficient reason for them to develop neat habits. Most usual is the lack of parental positive reinforcement for the learning and carrying out of neat behavior.
Emotional factors play a role in the development of what most adults assume are perceptual skills not really affected by emotional status. In a widely used psychological test of copying designs, two important "emotional indicators" of poor performance are "confused order" and "careless overwork." Children are not organized in the placement of their drawings or are careless and have to erase over and over again. The implication is clear that children's emotional problems lead to impairment in a task as basic as copying designs.
Deserving of special mention are the children with subtle handicaps that interfere with the ability to organize their environment. Indeed, some children may even lack the physical coordination necessary for the continued maintenance of a neat and organized appearance. Children with cerebral palsy are easy to recognize and understand. Children with relatively poor coordination are called clumsy and are frequently unmercifully criticized for years. Even more difficult to recognize are children with subtle perceptual deficits. On psychological testing, psychologists are able to pinpoint perceptual weaknesses where the child cannot recognize shapes and forms in different positions. These children literally cannot see the sock in the middle of the room, let alone in a drawer with other clothing. Special help and arrangements are necessary to help this child be organized enough to be able to find and store various objects. Arranging compartments is drawers and closets can avoid endless scolding and nagging. Similarly, these children misbutton clothing, put belts on improperly, wear different colored socks, do not tuck clothing in, and often look "discombobulated."
Organizational deficits are even more difficult to recognize. Some children have a weakness in sequencing, causing great difficulty in remembering what comes first, second, third, etc. For them, organizing becomes a hopeless task if it involves following steps in sequence. Similarly, organization can be torture for children who have trouble in consequential thinking. They have great difficulty in understanding and/or remembering the consequences of actions. These children, although often bright in other areas, do not understand that certain responses follow certain actions. "Cause and effect" are often unclear to them. What is obvious to adults is often not at all obvious to these children. On the most basic level, they do not understand that being able to find objects requires that they be kept in specific places. The consequence of being sloppy is that many peers and adults will have a negative impression of the child and therefore reject him. Some parents find it very difficult to understand that their child may not really comprehend these social consequences.
Relevant Topic:
- Behavior Problems of Children
- Immature Behaviors
- Insecure Behaviors
- Habit Disorders
- Peer Problems
- Antisocial Behaviors
- Other Problems
