Many children use time poorly. The most frequent complaints of parents are that their children dawdle, procrastinate, or are just lazy. We have grouped these problems together since they overlap somewhat, and all relate to inefficient use of time. Time is used slowly or not at all (lazy), wasted (dawdle), or put off until some future time (procrastinate). More specifically, lazy means inactive, not energetic, sluggish, and disinclined to action. Dawdle is to spend time idly, fruitlessly, or lackadaisically. Procrastinate is to intentionally and habitually put something off that should be done. A common element is that poor use of time often leads to a lack of being on time (not punctual or prompt).In American homes, "hurry" is the most common word used at 8 AM. Many children and adolescents find it very difficult to plan their time wisely, especially during the mornings. Therefore, most children could learn to use time more efficiently, and parents can aid them by using some of the approaches described in this chapter. All children occasionally dawdle, procrastinate, or act in a lazy manner. There are no statistics on the number of children in whom these characteristics are a frequent problem. However, a great number of children develop patterns of behavior where they are often described by others as lazy, or a dawdler, or a procrastinator.
Developmentally, children gradually learn about the concept of time. Typically, 3 year olds know their age, 4 year olds know when their next birthday will be and what day of the week it is, and 5 year olds know months and year. By 4 years, children can realize that their birthdays are one of a series and understand the concept of growth and change. Parents are often unaware that many children do not really understand time concepts until the age of 10 years. After age 10, children can be expected to be punctual most of the time, since they can understand the passage of time and how to plan ahead. However, there are very wide differences in children's awareness of time concepts. Much anger and resentment may be avoided by parental awareness of their children's awareness. Some parents expect 6, 7, or 8 year olds to be able to use time wisely and be punctual on their own, whereas it is typical for children this age to require guidance and aid in planning, in order to be ready, have assignments in on time, or do chores with-in a specific time period.
Reason Why (read about it)
- Expression of Psychological Conflict
- Time Doesn't Matter
- Unrealistic Parental Expectations
How to Prevent (read about it)
- Teach and Model Effective Use of Time
- Promote Consideration and Sensitivity to Others
- Avoid Linking Conflicts with Time
What to Do (read about it)
- Lazy: Morning slowness, Perfectionistic slowness, Tasks not attempted.
- Dawdle
- Procrastinate
Case Report
A 14-year-old girl dawdled frequently. She was almost always late for school and other appointments and took large amounts of time to accomplish easy tasks. Analysis of the family pattern revealed a great many power struggles between parents and daughter. The more the parents tried to hurry her, the more she dawdled. her older brother was a "star" who did everything well. She resented him, felt inadequate, and dawdling become an excuse for not doing well. Committing herself to a task could expose her to risking failure. Two counseling sessions with the parents and two psychotherapy sessions with the girl successfully altered the pattern.
The parents agreed to stop nagging and yelling, and failing into situations that resembled battles. They used a simple reward system of extra privileges (the girl requested staying up a half-hour later) on any day when she was ready on time. After 3 weeks of very little dawdling, the later bedtime became permanent as an indication of her acting in a more grown-up manner. Additionally, a special event was planned for the weekend if she showed a dramatic reduction in time spent on everyday tasks. Bathroom time went from an average of about 40 minutes to a more typical 15 minutes. Psychotherapy consisted of an open discussion of her anger and struggles with their parents, resentment towards her brother, and fear of failure. This insight helped her understand how she wound up in a self-defeating pattern of wasting time. She was receptive to using "self-talk." When she started dawdling, she would say, "Stop wasting time, do what you're supposed to do." When she became more purposeful and quicker, she would say, "That's better, now we're getting somewhere." Many people naturally congratulated her for being on time and for doing things more quickly. A 1 year follow-up revealed virtually no dawdling, a happier girl, and much fewer heated family arguments.
Relevant Topic:A 14-year-old girl dawdled frequently. She was almost always late for school and other appointments and took large amounts of time to accomplish easy tasks. Analysis of the family pattern revealed a great many power struggles between parents and daughter. The more the parents tried to hurry her, the more she dawdled. her older brother was a "star" who did everything well. She resented him, felt inadequate, and dawdling become an excuse for not doing well. Committing herself to a task could expose her to risking failure. Two counseling sessions with the parents and two psychotherapy sessions with the girl successfully altered the pattern.
The parents agreed to stop nagging and yelling, and failing into situations that resembled battles. They used a simple reward system of extra privileges (the girl requested staying up a half-hour later) on any day when she was ready on time. After 3 weeks of very little dawdling, the later bedtime became permanent as an indication of her acting in a more grown-up manner. Additionally, a special event was planned for the weekend if she showed a dramatic reduction in time spent on everyday tasks. Bathroom time went from an average of about 40 minutes to a more typical 15 minutes. Psychotherapy consisted of an open discussion of her anger and struggles with their parents, resentment towards her brother, and fear of failure. This insight helped her understand how she wound up in a self-defeating pattern of wasting time. She was receptive to using "self-talk." When she started dawdling, she would say, "Stop wasting time, do what you're supposed to do." When she became more purposeful and quicker, she would say, "That's better, now we're getting somewhere." Many people naturally congratulated her for being on time and for doing things more quickly. A 1 year follow-up revealed virtually no dawdling, a happier girl, and much fewer heated family arguments.
- Behavior Problems of Children
- Immature Behaviors
- Insecure Behaviors
- Habit Disorders
- Peer Problems
- Antisocial Behaviors
- Other Problems
