Foster Understanding and Problem Solving
Understanding oneself, others, and things is an excellent preventer of anxiety. Knowing "what causes what" also helps. Parents should strive to explain things to children in language that they comprehend. From ab early age, they should learn how things work. Especially important in understanding the functioning of the human body. Many children develop worries about their body because it is a total mystery to them. One hears young children worrying that their heart might stop or that they won't be able to breath if they fall asleep. Parents should be excellent sources of how to solve problems. You teach children how to pose a question and then think of several possible alternative approaches. Based upon their growing knowledge of cause and effect, they can learn to select the approaches that have the greatest likelihood of succeeding. Then, they are able to decide upon a couse of action and do it. They learn how to take risks based upon their best thinking. Action is better than indecisiveness and worry. You teach them that not succeeding is much better than not trying! Failure and stress can be tolerated when people feel like they are doing their best. Self-confidence comes from understanding how to approach and solve problems. Handling stress is a type of problem. Children should be shown how to analyze a stressful situation and aided in figuring out what to do. Some situations require a relaxed and paient approach. Others require quick decision making and trial and error methods. Parents help children to discriminate between situations and to take appropriate action.
Children of all ages are very responsive to "what if" games. Asking them what they would do under various circumstances prepares them to cope adequately. "What if a bully said he'd beat you up after school?" Children could give possible courses of action. You then add possibilities that were not mentioned. They could ignore him, tell the teacher, avoid the situation, talk openly to the bully, face up to him, etc. Preparation is an antidote to worry! You reinforce feelings of competency by coping with problems yourself and aiding children to do the same. Problems are to be faced, not avoided. Tranquilizers, food, or any form of escape are not solutions to problems. When children express worry, you accept their concerns and help them to feel relieved and to cope with pressures.
Promote Security and Self-Confidence
From infancy, parents must be especially sensitive to building a foundation of secure feelings. The game of "peek-a-boo" is a natural, time-honored way of helping infants understand and tolerate the temporary disappearance of a parent. This is a pretend game that gives infants experience in coping with mild, playful anxiety. They learn to enjoy the disappearance and reappearance of people. It is essential to not sneak out on a toddler to avoid a scene. Temporary crying will be prevented, but separation anxiety and mistrust will be promoted. The general rule is to gradually introduce children to anxiety-provoking situations. Do not force children to do something that frightens them. Children should gradually spend more and more time away from home. Sending a child, who has never been away from home for more than a few days, to summer camp for 2 months is not a good idea.
Self-confidence is gradually strengthened by repeated experiences of success. Make sure that tasks and chores are properly designed so that children succeed. A reservoir of good experiences enables children to tolerate lack of success. It is then natural for them to think, "it's okay, I usually do quite well." You can enhance this ability by suggesting this type of positive self-talk when things are not going well for a child.
Accept All Fantasies
Young children are frequented by their fantasies about death, monsters, and strange events. Teenagers have fantasies about hurting others, death and sex. A relatively frequent occurrence is that children feel guilty, frightened, and worried about their thought. They then imagine that there must be something wrong with them or that their thought might come true. To prevent the development of anxiety, parents should communicate total acceptance about the naturalness of all fantasies. Many children are so ashamed that they will not tell parents or their friends. If parents talk about thoughts and fantasies as natural, children will be likely to not feel worried and will talk to others about their strange or scary thoughts.
Young children should be taught the difference between thinking and doing. Wishing to bash your brother's head is okay; doing it is forbidden. Dreams or daydreams about anything are normal. In fact young children should be encourages to use their imagination productively. Fantasizing can be a form of mastery. Thinking about being a hero, a sports star, a scientist, etc., promotes the consideration of options and motivation to achieve. Therefore, fostering positive fantasies and accepting all prevents anxiety and aids self-acceptance.
Case Report
A 5-year-old girl suddenly developed intense anxiety and worries without apparent cause. She was concerned that her parents would leave or die, that robbers would invade her house, and that no one would be her friend. She cried easily and appeared generally tense. Two methods were suggested to the parents. One was to encourage open expression of feelings through play and talk. This proved to be quite effective as the girl had puppets express all kinds of imagined catastrophes. After several play sessions, the intensity of anxiety during the stories and at other times was much less. The other method was to use any strategy to counter instances of high anxiety. When she became agitated, the parents would play a game with her and tell her pleasant stories. According to plan, the parents carefully played more with her when she was not anxious in order to prevent the reinforcement of her anxiety. The combination of more free expression and quickly interrupting worry was successful. Within 2 weeks her behavior was back to normal.
Relevant Topic:
- Behavior Problems of Children
- Immature Behaviors
- Insecure Behaviors
- Habit Disorders
- Peer Problems
- Antisocial Behaviors
- Other Problems
