Accept and Reassure
Very anxious children need reassurance from calm, firm adults. Staying calm yourself is necessary if children scream, cry, pace, or panic in any way. You show an acceptance of their anxiety by not criticizing of blaming them for being so foolish or upset. Instead, you provide an atmosphere of safety and optimism that whatever they feel will be handled and will pass. Parent and teacher should strive to provide a secure, nonthreatening context. Reassurance can be fostered by the following types of statements. "You're very important to me. I love you for yourself, not only for what you do." "Many people feel very upset and get through it." "Sometimes it seems that nothing will help, but the feeling passes and things are fine again." When you spend time with children, you do not give them partial attention or give the feeling that there are more important things that you should be doing. You communicate that it is more important and enjoyable to be with children than to be doing anything else. This is even more reassuring than words.
Arguing with children is to be avoided. If you try to reason and they yell or say that you don't understand them, back off. The important thing is to be sensitive and not to prove anything other than that you care at that moment. You may feel helpless, but do not underestimate the power if just "being there" for your child.
Reassurance is also demonstrated by the priority you assign to minor stressful events. There are plenty of major difficulties to be upset about. You assure your child that many problems in life are to be expected, handled, and forgotten. This type of perspective is extremely reassuring to children, who often tend to see every event as a major crisis. Rather than feeling overwhelmed and powerless, you take whatever steps are possible in coping with problems and feelings, and then move on. Getting stuck or having to be perfect is a dead end.
Teach Relaxation
Anxiety and relaxation are mutually exclusive. One can't do two contradictory activities at the same time. Simply put, children can be shown to take a few deep breaths, let go of all muscles, and relax completely. They are told to feel limper and limper. A textbook about child counseling states that the antidote for anxiety in children is relaxation training. You can use and adapt parts of a comprehensive book that detail every phrase of learning to relax all of the muscle groups of the body. The child learns to relax deeply by slowly tensing parts of the body-jaw, neck, forehead, arms, or legs, etc. You help the child become aware of tension and how to relax that tense area. Repetition is essential! The child should practice at least twice a day: Morning and night are usually convenient. It also helps tense children feel relaxed before going to school and before going to sleep. It is very important to make relaxation an enjoyable experience and not overly serious of difficult.
After children have learned and practiced relaxation, a very powerful method is "cue controlled relaxation." You teach children to say a word or phrase to themselves that will help them relax. They can choose one of the alternatives you offer, such as "calm down," "relax," "cool it," or "take it easy." Once they choose, they sat te cue word and relax completely. After many repetitions, they just think the phrase and totally relax. A helpful intermediate step is to have them imagine, or listen to you describe, an anxiety provoking situation. They then immediately think of the phrase and relax, which counters the usual reaction of anxiety. It might help for you and your child to write down an inventory of causes of worry and stress. The inventory can then be used as a source of anxiety producing concerns to imagine while relaxed . Anxiety about seeing a physician or dentist can be diminished. In very intense cases, the dentist can help by soothingly describing a pleasant scene while the child relaxes. The final step is to use the method by themselves under any stressful condition. The method is not only effective for reducing anxiety, it also leads children to feel less helpless and more independent and competent.
Use Various Strategies to Counter Anxiety
The relaxation discussed above is very effective and may be combined with other strategies. While relaxing, the child can think of pleasant, calm scenes ("positive imagery"). Children respond very well to images of vacations, beaches, swimming, boating, etc. This is particularly useful in the practice stage of relaxation, since it helps children to let go of muscular tension.
Slow, deep breathing is another useful strategy. You show the child how to rhythmically breath deeply through the nose. Many teenagers find it helpful to count their breaths from one to ten and focus on the numbers. Parents might a book concerning Japanese meditation to be quite valuable. That style of meditation is a combination of breathing and counting. This method leads to an experience of less anxiety and often to a slower pulse rate. Tension control may also be enhanced by isometric exercises. There are many books available describing the pushing of muscles against each other. A child can push against a wall for 15 seconds, expend much energy, and naturally relax the muscles afterwards.
A variety of strategies can be used to combat anxiety. When tension starts, children might read a good book, listen to music, look at artistic works, or do some creative activity such as drawing, painting, cooking, or pottery. Exercise or any new or enjoyable activity can be engaged in. Pleasurable activities counteract tension. Noncompetitive play with parents or siblings can be quite satisfying to children. Sometimes, a warm bath does wonders. Another method is to suggest that children "let go" of their worries. You can describe a natural process or riding along with things and not getting stuck in worry. Finally, total focus on one problem may be effective. The child picks one initial area of concern and tries to solve it if possible. The idea is to do whatever is possible about that problem so you feel that you've done your best. Further worry or concern does not help and is unnecessary. Problems (poor school work, no friends, etc.) should be faced on at a time. After taking constructive action, you choose the next problem and begin to think about it and work on it.
Positive Self-Talk
Whenever possible you can combine methods to make them more powerful. This is especially important of one method (such as relaxation) is not effective enough. Positive self-talk may be used alone or while relaxing. Many children have not learned to stop saying negative or anxiety producing comments to themselves. The first step is to stop self-statements such as, "I'll never fall asleep. I'm always more upset than anyone else. I know something bad will happen." The next step is to ask for, and suggest, positive self-comments. Children can practice out loud and then say it to themselves. "I'm upset, but things will get better. When I start to worry, I'll relax and feel better. Nobody's perfect; I'll do the best I can. When you try your best, that's all anyone can ask for. Worry doesn't help, action does."
The goal is to help children learn to say things to themselves, so that they are independently able to analyze a situation and react accordingly. They can saym "Be calm and relax," and then use a method that they like to counter anxiety. When panicked by a problem or test, they can say, "Calm down and relax," think of a pleasant scene for a few seconds, and then go back to the problem.
Encourage Expression of Feelings
Open expression of one's feelings often counteracts unspoken worries. Family discussion may be held where everyone shares their thoughts and concerns. This is a real live example of the acceptability and normalcy of all feelings. Private conversations can be held where total freedom of expression is encouraged. Catharsis, where everything is said, is helpful to many children. You might consider letting children express anger and frustration is whatever language they choose behind closed doors. This often lessens the intensity of children;s worries. Games can be played with children that encourage expression of feelings. Inhibited, anxious children find game playing an acceptable way to express a variety of emotions. You can select games where open-ended questions are asked, such as "How do children feel when teacher are too strict?" or "What could you do if someone sneaks in line in front of you?"
Story telling is very effective in putting feelings into words. Mutual story telling, which is used by many psychotherapists, is readily adaptable by parents. Children tell a scary or strange story, and then parents tell another version. The basic idea is to tell stories where the heroes openly express their feelings, take effective action, and feel good about themselves. Children learn to tell similar stories, and it is a valuable learning experience. Modeling by adults enhances the effectiveness. Adults demonstrate that it is acceptable to describe feelings of helplessness, rage, love, hate, etc.
Professional Methods
When anxiety is very intense and prolonged, professional help should be sought. This is especially important if parental methods do not diminish children's anxiety. Many professional methods may be partially adapted by parents. For example, systematic desensitization is used by many therapists. This is a sophisticated version of gradual exposure images are described. Bio-feedback consists of allowing children to see or hear their own bodily functioning. Heart rate, muscle tension, sweat on the palms, temperature, etc., are depicted by sounds or electronic waves on a screen. The child's task is to slow down or make the sounds quieter. Considerable success has been achieved in reducing bodily tension with this method. Hypnosis has been effectively used to decrease anxiety. Professionals use hypnosis to induce relaxation and calm feelings, and positive suggestions are made while children are under a hypnotic trance. However, children have frequently responded to positive suggestions mafe repetitively while not hypnotized. The suggestions take the following forms: "By practicing relaxing, you'll be able to get rid of your worries." "each day you'll feel better and better and less worried about the future." "Children are supposed to have fun and learn, not worry."
Relevant Topic:Very anxious children need reassurance from calm, firm adults. Staying calm yourself is necessary if children scream, cry, pace, or panic in any way. You show an acceptance of their anxiety by not criticizing of blaming them for being so foolish or upset. Instead, you provide an atmosphere of safety and optimism that whatever they feel will be handled and will pass. Parent and teacher should strive to provide a secure, nonthreatening context. Reassurance can be fostered by the following types of statements. "You're very important to me. I love you for yourself, not only for what you do." "Many people feel very upset and get through it." "Sometimes it seems that nothing will help, but the feeling passes and things are fine again." When you spend time with children, you do not give them partial attention or give the feeling that there are more important things that you should be doing. You communicate that it is more important and enjoyable to be with children than to be doing anything else. This is even more reassuring than words.
Arguing with children is to be avoided. If you try to reason and they yell or say that you don't understand them, back off. The important thing is to be sensitive and not to prove anything other than that you care at that moment. You may feel helpless, but do not underestimate the power if just "being there" for your child.
Reassurance is also demonstrated by the priority you assign to minor stressful events. There are plenty of major difficulties to be upset about. You assure your child that many problems in life are to be expected, handled, and forgotten. This type of perspective is extremely reassuring to children, who often tend to see every event as a major crisis. Rather than feeling overwhelmed and powerless, you take whatever steps are possible in coping with problems and feelings, and then move on. Getting stuck or having to be perfect is a dead end.
Teach Relaxation
Anxiety and relaxation are mutually exclusive. One can't do two contradictory activities at the same time. Simply put, children can be shown to take a few deep breaths, let go of all muscles, and relax completely. They are told to feel limper and limper. A textbook about child counseling states that the antidote for anxiety in children is relaxation training. You can use and adapt parts of a comprehensive book that detail every phrase of learning to relax all of the muscle groups of the body. The child learns to relax deeply by slowly tensing parts of the body-jaw, neck, forehead, arms, or legs, etc. You help the child become aware of tension and how to relax that tense area. Repetition is essential! The child should practice at least twice a day: Morning and night are usually convenient. It also helps tense children feel relaxed before going to school and before going to sleep. It is very important to make relaxation an enjoyable experience and not overly serious of difficult.
After children have learned and practiced relaxation, a very powerful method is "cue controlled relaxation." You teach children to say a word or phrase to themselves that will help them relax. They can choose one of the alternatives you offer, such as "calm down," "relax," "cool it," or "take it easy." Once they choose, they sat te cue word and relax completely. After many repetitions, they just think the phrase and totally relax. A helpful intermediate step is to have them imagine, or listen to you describe, an anxiety provoking situation. They then immediately think of the phrase and relax, which counters the usual reaction of anxiety. It might help for you and your child to write down an inventory of causes of worry and stress. The inventory can then be used as a source of anxiety producing concerns to imagine while relaxed . Anxiety about seeing a physician or dentist can be diminished. In very intense cases, the dentist can help by soothingly describing a pleasant scene while the child relaxes. The final step is to use the method by themselves under any stressful condition. The method is not only effective for reducing anxiety, it also leads children to feel less helpless and more independent and competent.
Use Various Strategies to Counter Anxiety
The relaxation discussed above is very effective and may be combined with other strategies. While relaxing, the child can think of pleasant, calm scenes ("positive imagery"). Children respond very well to images of vacations, beaches, swimming, boating, etc. This is particularly useful in the practice stage of relaxation, since it helps children to let go of muscular tension.
Slow, deep breathing is another useful strategy. You show the child how to rhythmically breath deeply through the nose. Many teenagers find it helpful to count their breaths from one to ten and focus on the numbers. Parents might a book concerning Japanese meditation to be quite valuable. That style of meditation is a combination of breathing and counting. This method leads to an experience of less anxiety and often to a slower pulse rate. Tension control may also be enhanced by isometric exercises. There are many books available describing the pushing of muscles against each other. A child can push against a wall for 15 seconds, expend much energy, and naturally relax the muscles afterwards.
A variety of strategies can be used to combat anxiety. When tension starts, children might read a good book, listen to music, look at artistic works, or do some creative activity such as drawing, painting, cooking, or pottery. Exercise or any new or enjoyable activity can be engaged in. Pleasurable activities counteract tension. Noncompetitive play with parents or siblings can be quite satisfying to children. Sometimes, a warm bath does wonders. Another method is to suggest that children "let go" of their worries. You can describe a natural process or riding along with things and not getting stuck in worry. Finally, total focus on one problem may be effective. The child picks one initial area of concern and tries to solve it if possible. The idea is to do whatever is possible about that problem so you feel that you've done your best. Further worry or concern does not help and is unnecessary. Problems (poor school work, no friends, etc.) should be faced on at a time. After taking constructive action, you choose the next problem and begin to think about it and work on it.
Positive Self-Talk
Whenever possible you can combine methods to make them more powerful. This is especially important of one method (such as relaxation) is not effective enough. Positive self-talk may be used alone or while relaxing. Many children have not learned to stop saying negative or anxiety producing comments to themselves. The first step is to stop self-statements such as, "I'll never fall asleep. I'm always more upset than anyone else. I know something bad will happen." The next step is to ask for, and suggest, positive self-comments. Children can practice out loud and then say it to themselves. "I'm upset, but things will get better. When I start to worry, I'll relax and feel better. Nobody's perfect; I'll do the best I can. When you try your best, that's all anyone can ask for. Worry doesn't help, action does."
The goal is to help children learn to say things to themselves, so that they are independently able to analyze a situation and react accordingly. They can saym "Be calm and relax," and then use a method that they like to counter anxiety. When panicked by a problem or test, they can say, "Calm down and relax," think of a pleasant scene for a few seconds, and then go back to the problem.
Encourage Expression of Feelings
Open expression of one's feelings often counteracts unspoken worries. Family discussion may be held where everyone shares their thoughts and concerns. This is a real live example of the acceptability and normalcy of all feelings. Private conversations can be held where total freedom of expression is encouraged. Catharsis, where everything is said, is helpful to many children. You might consider letting children express anger and frustration is whatever language they choose behind closed doors. This often lessens the intensity of children;s worries. Games can be played with children that encourage expression of feelings. Inhibited, anxious children find game playing an acceptable way to express a variety of emotions. You can select games where open-ended questions are asked, such as "How do children feel when teacher are too strict?" or "What could you do if someone sneaks in line in front of you?"
Story telling is very effective in putting feelings into words. Mutual story telling, which is used by many psychotherapists, is readily adaptable by parents. Children tell a scary or strange story, and then parents tell another version. The basic idea is to tell stories where the heroes openly express their feelings, take effective action, and feel good about themselves. Children learn to tell similar stories, and it is a valuable learning experience. Modeling by adults enhances the effectiveness. Adults demonstrate that it is acceptable to describe feelings of helplessness, rage, love, hate, etc.
Professional Methods
When anxiety is very intense and prolonged, professional help should be sought. This is especially important if parental methods do not diminish children's anxiety. Many professional methods may be partially adapted by parents. For example, systematic desensitization is used by many therapists. This is a sophisticated version of gradual exposure images are described. Bio-feedback consists of allowing children to see or hear their own bodily functioning. Heart rate, muscle tension, sweat on the palms, temperature, etc., are depicted by sounds or electronic waves on a screen. The child's task is to slow down or make the sounds quieter. Considerable success has been achieved in reducing bodily tension with this method. Hypnosis has been effectively used to decrease anxiety. Professionals use hypnosis to induce relaxation and calm feelings, and positive suggestions are made while children are under a hypnotic trance. However, children have frequently responded to positive suggestions mafe repetitively while not hypnotized. The suggestions take the following forms: "By practicing relaxing, you'll be able to get rid of your worries." "each day you'll feel better and better and less worried about the future." "Children are supposed to have fun and learn, not worry."
- Behavior Problems of Children
- Immature Behaviors
- Insecure Behaviors
- Habit Disorders
- Peer Problems
- Antisocial Behaviors
- Other Problems
