Selfish people are overly or exclusively centered with themselves. They concentrate on their own well-being or pleasure without regard for others. Several words are used to describe selfishness, such as self-centered, egocentric, and narcissistic. Self-centered people are concerned with their individual desires rather than the interests of society, and they appear to be relatively independent of outside influence. Their outlook or perspective is limited to concern with their own activities or needs. However, very intelligent and creative people can be independent, often ignore other's opinion, and be quite self-centered. One key difference is that these creative people are extremely productive in contrast to unproductive, narcissistic individuals.
It is very important to recognize that children are naturally egocentric. he toddler' universe is centered on himself. It is as if "I and the rest of the universe are one." Young children have a single viewpoint-their own. With time and experience, they learn to see things from someone else's point of view. Taking another's perspective is necessary before a child can understand how a situation appears to others and why and how others react. Young children have egocentric speech. They talk to themselves while acting, with some of the content being very idiosyncratic. With development, egocentric speech disappears. Inner speech develops which is essential for thinking (perceiving, abstracting, and generalizing). By 4 or 5 years of age, adequate communication skills have developed. There are only rare occurrences of egocentric speech or behavior indicating total self-preoccupation. Preschoolers become more aware both of themselves and of others' views of them. By age 6 through 9 years, children become much less egocentric, and they learn about the attitudes and opinions of others. However, they still feel very intensely and absolutely about their viewpoint and do not easily assume an impartial stance.
During the early school years, children learn to criticize themselves and to view their behavior by others' standards. The process develops from a concrete and literal approach to a more detached and impartial viewpoint. Children are then able to learn vicariously, not only by direst experience. They learn and gain experience through sympathizing with or imagining the experiences of others. What is natural for the preschooler is a sign of difficulties for the older children. By 5 or 6 the child should be relatively aware of having an impact on others. Children learn to project themselves into another's place ("walk in someone else's shoes"). Concern for others (people or animals) requires the realization of what it might feel like to be in their place. They can imagine what it feels like to be hurt or tortured. Children try to experience what things feel like by acting. They assume various roles, acting like animals or people they see in their lives or on television. By dressing up and acting like someone other than themselves they learn to understand others.
There are several indicators of problematic self-centeredness. Being so concerned with one's feelings can result in unproductive interaction with the world. Therefore, low productivity is one clue. This is similar to "spoiled" children who get everything they want without having to put forth any real effort. Often the selfish individual at times reveals a poor self-concern and a negative view of others. Also, few real moral values are typical in selfish youngsters. Lack of group belongingness is another indicator. Self-centered children often have difficulty relating or peers. They do not view their participation as "we" do things together, but rather as what "I" want. From a positive point of view, a feeling of belonging and identifying with others is seen by children experiencing a cohesive group feeling. The "we" feeling is seen when individuals in a group are open in expressing feelings and frequently communicating with each other.
Reason Why (read about it)
It is very important to recognize that children are naturally egocentric. he toddler' universe is centered on himself. It is as if "I and the rest of the universe are one." Young children have a single viewpoint-their own. With time and experience, they learn to see things from someone else's point of view. Taking another's perspective is necessary before a child can understand how a situation appears to others and why and how others react. Young children have egocentric speech. They talk to themselves while acting, with some of the content being very idiosyncratic. With development, egocentric speech disappears. Inner speech develops which is essential for thinking (perceiving, abstracting, and generalizing). By 4 or 5 years of age, adequate communication skills have developed. There are only rare occurrences of egocentric speech or behavior indicating total self-preoccupation. Preschoolers become more aware both of themselves and of others' views of them. By age 6 through 9 years, children become much less egocentric, and they learn about the attitudes and opinions of others. However, they still feel very intensely and absolutely about their viewpoint and do not easily assume an impartial stance.
During the early school years, children learn to criticize themselves and to view their behavior by others' standards. The process develops from a concrete and literal approach to a more detached and impartial viewpoint. Children are then able to learn vicariously, not only by direst experience. They learn and gain experience through sympathizing with or imagining the experiences of others. What is natural for the preschooler is a sign of difficulties for the older children. By 5 or 6 the child should be relatively aware of having an impact on others. Children learn to project themselves into another's place ("walk in someone else's shoes"). Concern for others (people or animals) requires the realization of what it might feel like to be in their place. They can imagine what it feels like to be hurt or tortured. Children try to experience what things feel like by acting. They assume various roles, acting like animals or people they see in their lives or on television. By dressing up and acting like someone other than themselves they learn to understand others.
There are several indicators of problematic self-centeredness. Being so concerned with one's feelings can result in unproductive interaction with the world. Therefore, low productivity is one clue. This is similar to "spoiled" children who get everything they want without having to put forth any real effort. Often the selfish individual at times reveals a poor self-concern and a negative view of others. Also, few real moral values are typical in selfish youngsters. Lack of group belongingness is another indicator. Self-centered children often have difficulty relating or peers. They do not view their participation as "we" do things together, but rather as what "I" want. From a positive point of view, a feeling of belonging and identifying with others is seen by children experiencing a cohesive group feeling. The "we" feeling is seen when individuals in a group are open in expressing feelings and frequently communicating with each other.
Reason Why (read about it)
- Fearful
- Spoiled
- Immature
How to Prevent (read about it)
- Promote Self-Acceptance
- Model and Teach Concern for Others
- Give Responsibility
What to Do (read about it)
- Teach Empathy by Role Playing
- Demonstrate, Discuss, and Reinforce Positive Result of Caring
- Demonstrate and Discuss Negative Effect of Selfishness.
A somewhat fearful 15-year-old girl was seen by most people as being extremely selfish and self-centered. Her parents were particularly concerned that she apparently did not care about the welfare of others and was knows as being extremely insensitive to others. Several sessions were held with the girl, parents, and younger brother and sister. The first two sessions consisted of family members' complaints about each other, and a very strong feeling on the girl's part that nobody liked her and that she could only rely on herself. Two approaches (discussing negative effects of selfishness and role playing) led to an improved family atmosphere and a more caring attitude by the girl.
Discussion took place concerning the frequently critical and complaining interactions at home. All agreed to try to be more sensitive and to express more interest and concern about each other. Everyone participated in a general discussion about the negative effects of self-centeredness. It became clear that the girl's total preoccupation with her own welfare was a result of her general fearfulness, need to feel safe, and feelings of rejection and isolation. She appeared to feel relieved that the family members shared her concerns and that she was not "different" or "strange". Role playing was performed during the sessions and at home. This process resulted in experiencing and discussing what situations looked like from others' points of view. Very striking was the girl's experience of seeing the parents play her role of being selfish, insensitive and aloof. She understood the vicious cycle of her behavior actually putting people off, their rejecting her, and her feeling lonely and mistrustful. Her lessened defensiveness and more interest in others led to more positive involvement with peers. A 6 month follow-up revealed that she was much happier and more caring. Family relationships remained more positive and less complaining.
Relevant Topic:Discussion took place concerning the frequently critical and complaining interactions at home. All agreed to try to be more sensitive and to express more interest and concern about each other. Everyone participated in a general discussion about the negative effects of self-centeredness. It became clear that the girl's total preoccupation with her own welfare was a result of her general fearfulness, need to feel safe, and feelings of rejection and isolation. She appeared to feel relieved that the family members shared her concerns and that she was not "different" or "strange". Role playing was performed during the sessions and at home. This process resulted in experiencing and discussing what situations looked like from others' points of view. Very striking was the girl's experience of seeing the parents play her role of being selfish, insensitive and aloof. She understood the vicious cycle of her behavior actually putting people off, their rejecting her, and her feeling lonely and mistrustful. Her lessened defensiveness and more interest in others led to more positive involvement with peers. A 6 month follow-up revealed that she was much happier and more caring. Family relationships remained more positive and less complaining.
- Behavior Problems of Children
- Immature Behaviors
- Insecure Behaviors
- Habit Disorders
- Peer Problems
- Antisocial Behaviors
- Other Problems
