LazyThere are a variety of approaches for the sluggish child who at times will not even attempt tasks. Manual problem solving is a good start. An open discussion is held as to the specific problems and what we (the family) can do. A solution is sought together. Topics discussed include what causes the slowness, what are the consequences, and what could be done differently. Suggestions are requested from the child, and suggestions are made for the child's consideration. Some slow children have responded well to the following ideas.
Morning slowness. The child should set an alarm clock to an agreed upon time. A radio-alarm may set a pleasant mood by waking the child to a preferred type of music. A morning shower or a cold, wet cloth on the face is a good awakener. An open window provides a cool room conductive to awakening. Some children respond very well to a brief exercise period. Any method should avoid the trap of parental nagging. You can pleasantly say to your child, "I don't like being a nagging alarm clock-you can get up and be quicker on your own."
Perfectionistic slowness. Some children check and double check their actions and think for a long time before acting. Some perfectionistic children can take 1 half-hour to wash or get dressed. This type of compulsive slowness has been subjected to a "time and motion" study. Basically, the child carries out slow ritual with increasing speed until achieving tasks within a more reasonable time limit. You analyze which tasks can be eliminated or sped up (time and motion analysis). In a positive emotional atmosphere, the child can then try the suggestions and use a stop watch to measure improvement. For example, the child who takes 1 hour to get ready for breakfast can reduce the time to 40 minutes. For some children, clothes selection the night before leads to greater efficiency in the morning.
Tasks not attempted. Some children appear so lazy that they do not want to do much of anything. For these children, a very strong incentive system may be necessary. The contracts and token economy approaches discussed in the chapter on hyperactivity are quite applicable. It may be necessary to make the attempts at doing tasks concretely worthwhile for the inactive child. In order to earn television watching, extra allowance, special trips etc., the child would have to become active and do what is deemed necessary. At first, it is often helpful to reward small steps and trying tasks. After the child progresses, then satisfactory task completion should be rewarded.
Dawdle
The dawdler wastes time and fools around. Several games can be played with young children in order to reduce dawdling. "Beat the clock" is used to get the child to focus on a task and complete it. One example is "eat your vegetable before the timer goes off." The child should be asked how much time is necessary, and the timer is set to that figure. Praise or some reward may be used for beating the clock. Nagging is never employed. With some children, deprivation is successful. "No dessert if you can't beat the clock." Similarly, young children enjoy parental counting to see how fast they can go. "How many seconds does it take to put on your socks and shoes?" Reducing the length of time results in praise and/or rewards. Some children respond well to three announcements- 10 minutes to go, 5 minutes left, and then only 1 minute left. Others respond to fast marching music which leads them to dress and do tasks in a quicker fashion. Music also serves to promote a cheerful morning mood. A metronome may also be helpful to encourage a quicker pace. In a controlled study, foreign coins were earned by a 5 year old girl by successfully reducing dawdling and better preparation for school. Specific time intervals were set for the girl to accomplish the following tasks (which were checked off as she did them) - wake up, make bed, get dressed, straighten room, comb hair, no whining, eat breakfast, leave house. At bedtime, dawdling may be drastically reduced by playing fun games. Young children can march around to music, and when the music ends they immediately go to bed.
In the morning, dawdling can receive a reward for awakening on time. Morning tasks should be specified and checked. With some children, going to bed 1 hour earlier and waking 1 hour earlier quickly reduces dawdling, and they quickly prefer usual bed times. The child learns that being on time is a better option. In extreme cases, a child's clothing can be put in a car, and he dresses while being driven to school. This usually leads to dressing on time from that point on.There should be a clear expectation for children to be ready on time. At times, consistent negative consequences quickly solve the problem. If children miss the bus, they pay for a taxi with their own money. If, for any reason, dawdlers do not get to school, they should receive no attention (conversation, game playing, etc.) from adult. Boredom and loneliness can make school activities appear more desirable.
"Self-talk" may be suggested (and modeled) by the parent. You can show a child how saying things to yourself can speed things up and help promote a cheerful mood. "Well, it's time to get up. I'm going to have fun today. I'll start by quickly getting ready for school." The self-talk should be tailored to the child's problems. For example, some children can productively say, "Don't do something else, finish getting ready first," "Don't waste time, it's good to finish what you're doing," or "It feels good to be working faster and accomplishing something."
Procrastinate
Procrastinators express many reasons why they should not do something now. Somehow, things will word out or they will do it later. In order to counteract this self-defeating cycle, you must take effective, focused action. You should insist on a set time for children to accomplish something, make sure they do it, and praise or reward their efforts. Some parents report success by providing a special treat in the lunch box for those children who stop procrastinating and are on time. Point systems work very well when behavior is monitored and points given for gradual reduction of procrastination. It takes effort for parents to be aware of their child's postponing homework, not answering letters, not cleaning their room, or any procrastinating behavior. Awareness and an informal reward system can greatly reduce procrastination. Some parents are not aware of their child's self-defeating pattern of behavior or have never praised children for not putting off unpleasant chores. it is essential to praise or reward any efforts on the child's part to change the pattern, and negative comments must be avoided. It is not helpful to say: "You're a real loser. You always put off doing anything you don't like. When are you going to grow up?" Similarly, you must avoid being a poor model who puts tasks off until some vague time in the future.
The following guidelines are helpful for a variety of forms of procrastination, especially for doing tasks that require writing or reading. Distractions should be reduced, and a specific place always used for the activity. A specific quota of number of pages or items should be set. After completing the quota, a predetermined self-reward should be engaged in. Rewards can belistening to a record, having a snack, playing a game, etc.
One direct and effective approach to procrastination is to attack the irrational beliefs that often cause the problem. For example, overcoming inertia and self-discipline are often necessary antidotes to procrastination. Ellis and Harper discuss two irrational ideas-"that you can more easily avoid facing many life difficulties and self-responsibilities than undertake more rewarding forms of self-discipline" and "that you can achieve maximum human happiness by inertia and inaction or by passively and uncommittedly enjoying yourself. "Focused family discussions can reveal these beliefs and provide a forum for changing the behavioral pattern. Children, especially teen-ages, may be very responsive to a calm discussion of the need to overcome inertia and develop self-discipline. Similarly, the perfectionist who puts off completing a job because it's never good enough may respond to a discussion of this pattern. You can suggest that "I don't have to be perfect all the time; it's okay to fail or not to do the best job at times."
Another irrational belief is, "If I don't think about it, it will somehow disappear." This is similar to, "I don't have to do it now; it will get done tomorrow." It should be pointed out that things do not get done by themselves and wishing does not make something happen. Once the child understands the illogical nature of these beliefs, a practical plan can follow. Most direct is setting schedules for accomplishing objectives. This can be done in a written contract. "I'll read 20 pages a day before watching television." "I will straighten my room before going out to play." Parental praise or rewards can soon be stopped since the child will learn the good feelings that accompany doing what has to be done now.
- Behavior Problems of Children
- Immature Behaviors
- Insecure Behaviors
- Habit Disorders
- Peer Problems
- Antisocial Behaviors
- Other Problems
